This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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