mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
