Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
