you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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