Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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