i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize