You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
