You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
