sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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