i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
