I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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