i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
