There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
