My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
