What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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