Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize