I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
