You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
