Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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