She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
