how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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