Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You took a bar mat shot.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
