I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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