shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
