I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
