wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
