This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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