they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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