Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
