I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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