Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
