A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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