I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
