I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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