I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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