Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
