she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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