4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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