her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
