my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
