She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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