I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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