the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
