so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize