This girl is more easily done than said...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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