please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I party with great urgency now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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