they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
