i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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