You smell like stripper and shame
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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