so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
