i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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