textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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