Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
