im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
