My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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