I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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