I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
