He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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