I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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