i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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