my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
