I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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