ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
