I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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