id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
