my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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