Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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