fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize