You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
